Real Friends

How things have changed. Friendships used to be based on school, work, or shared hobbies. How can we recapture the true nature of building relationships so brilliantly personified in the iconic sitcom Friends, and where are the real-life versions of Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey? Are they sitting around in a cafe near you, endlessly drinking coffee and talking to each other about life, the universe, and beyond?  

Now the word ‘friend’ has been virtualized by the metaverse for a connection that either endorses a relationship already established by traditional means or to describe somebody who you may never have met who could be useful to you personally or professionally. Where’s the authenticity barometer in all this and where do we cross the line from connection to obsession? The fan zone can be a dangerous place.

It’s hard to imagine a time before social media, but when I created Funny Women at the turn of the 21^st century we only had computers and mobile phones. This business was built on friends and relationships, many of which have endured.

Back at the start, instead of promoting events on multiple social platforms, we were truly old-school with printed flyers and posters which we sent in the post to venues ready for them to adorn their walls and windows about our forthcoming shows. 

We relied heavily on printed promotional materials, and I still shudder at the memory of arriving at a venue to run a show to find all of our very expensive print still wrapped up and unused. Consequently, there was hardly any audience – I refer to it now as the ‘tumbleweed’ gig because the comedy just rolled away into the empty void. Now we rely on social media to promote our events and it’s a shared responsibility with venues and promoters.

We live most aspects of our lives today vicariously through social media. Everything is about ‘linking in’ ‘following’ ‘connecting’ and ‘liking’ – the language of new social norms that feed our collective paranoia about relationships, both personal and professional.

Friends are no longer the people you meet in the playground, at the water cooler, or sharing interests from comedy to football. Everything seems to begin and end with the obligatory virtual social invitations to ‘Facebook me’ or ‘find me on LinkedIn’.

Indeed, as I sit writing this article my LinkedIn account is alive with the buzz of people asking to connect after seeing my face in a box on a Zoom networking event. They don’t know the first thing about me and haven’t asked. Am I just another social media scalp on their belt?

Whilst I am clearly not a digital native, I totally accept that things change. However, I still like meaningful quality interactions that mirror the way we used to do business and enjoy developing true and enduring friendships.

For example, I was happy when a business friend picked up the phone in response to an email I’d sent her with a financial query – 45 minutes later after an enjoyable chat about everything from kids to bank loans, we’d solved the problem and planned to meet up in person for a social lunch.

Social media shouldn’t be a substitute for the real conversations and face-to-face meetings that nurture and sustain us. The metaverse is not always a kind place, often posturing, competitive, and not always a true representation of ourselves. Holiday pictures are lovely but they are also a status symbol; birthday parties, new babies, and weddings are fantastic to share but can be a real trigger for those who are bereaved, lost, lonely, or too damn old to cope with new technology.

Please don’t confuse your ability to negotiate social media platforms that support your professional ambitions with having a private and fulfilling personal life away from a screen with real friends. Seek out those people who want to talk to you in person or on the phone without an agenda and because they are genuinely interested in you.  

I strongly recommend the café and coffee approach of sitting around in person because what’s said in that space will linger far longer in our hearts. In this pandemic, friendships have never been more important.

And if you want to make some new friends for life (yes, this does happen) and bond over creating comedy, my next Stand Up to Stand Out workshop in April is on sale! All the details are here.