Satirical women’s online magazine Reductress is releasing an instructive book in the US and UK called How to Win at Feminism: The Definitive Guide to Having It All – And Then Some! Filled with characteristic tongue in cheek humour, colour illustrations and photos, How to Win at Feminism is a handy how-to for readers who wish to battle the patriarchy. Reductress authors Beth Newell and Sarah Pappalardo said: “We are excited to bring our book to the UK and hope that British readers will enjoy it half as much as they do Pippa Middleton’s bum!”
The book has already received high praise from the likes of Parks and Rec’s Aubrey Plaza: “I didn’t understand why blood was coming out of my vagina until I read this book. This book is basically my fucking mother.” Peep Show writer Sam Bain: “People say women can’t be funny. WRONG…I love Reductress.” And Graham Linehan: “Reductress has discovered a rich, deep seam of comedy.”
But don’t take their word for it! Reductress has kindly shared an extract of How to Win at Feminism: The Definitive Guide to Having It All – And Then Some!
HOW TO GET CATCALLED FOR YOUR PERSONALITY
Catcalling: n. Getting judged by strange men IRL instead of online, like you normally do.
One of the biggest issues that women face today is catcalling and street harassment. And just like your Instagram stalker, catcallers only seem to care about your looks. You’re a beautiful woman on the inside and out, and you deserve to be yelled at about all your beauty, especially the beauty that’s inside of you.* Getting catcalled for your personality, not just your looks—that’s what feminism is fighting for!
Our mothers and grandmothers may have welcomed unsolicited comments from men in the past, but we now know that street harassment objectifies and dehumanizes female bodies. We deserve better than what our foremothers merely tolerated. Also no offense, but Grandma didn’t know shit about feminism (rest in peace, Grandma; it’s not your fault!!). Here’s how to get catcalled for your personality.
Work on your personality.
You’re a woman, so face it: you can’t be a fly on the wall. You should expect to be targeted on the street by a man who says he wants to crawl inside your sweatpants. But if you want him to yell out something more interesting, start the conversation for him by being interesting. Maybe it’s time to pick up a hobby? Try reading The New Yorker or The Economist if you want to impress your catcaller. He’ll be sure to tell you that you look smart in that cute little outfit of yours.
Yell a lot.
It seems pretty easy, but girls who yell a lot typically have a “loud” personality.** If you want to take the focus off of your boobs and onto your words, you should scream those words. Guys will be like, “Damn, she’s really hot and loud!”
Join Greenpeace.
One awesome way to make guys not focus on your looks is to wear a T-shirt that says “Greenpeace” and then ask them for money. When you make the first move, guys will be compelled to say things like, “Sorry,” “No,” and “Fuck off, you dumb bitch,” instead of the usual jabs about your body. At least you know he’s rejecting you for something you really believe in!
Be kind.
If you happen to see a perfectly nice homeless person standing right next to your future catcaller, go above and beyond to help that person in need. Share your meal with her, give her some money or the name of a shelter, and you’ll have your catcaller saying, “Damn, girl, you really went above and beyond in helping the less fortunate. You know who else you could help with that ass who’s less fortunate—me!“
Make a joke!
Guys don’t just want a pretty face; they want a girl with a sense of humor! If a catcaller starts making blow-job noises as you walk by him, say something clever like, “You got something stuck in your throat?” After he stops the sucking noises, he’ll be like, “That bitch can take it and give it right back!” Any guy who can’t appreciate a girl who can make him laugh shouldn’t be catcalling in the first place. There are plenty more feminist ways to get strangers to compliment you on your kindness, and if you followed our first directive above, you should be on your way to your own ideas as well!
* In your brain or your heart or wherever.
** Remember Debra??
How to Win at Feminism: The Definitive Guide to Having it All – and then some! is published by HQ and available from 3rd November. To pre-order click here!
