I’d just started gigging when I fell pregnant. Who knew the MCs double-entendres could be so powerful? But no matter, surely this would be but a brief pause during steady progress towards starring on Live at the Apollo. Obviously there would be the problem of how to hold a microphone whilst holding a baby, but I’d get one of those natty sling things to leave my hands-free, I’d incorporate baby into the routine and all would be groovy.
That was 2006.
In 2011 I emerged, blinking, from a tunnel of baby-induced stupor wondering what the hell I’d done with the last five years, my undercarriage and my sense of humour. The lovely BFFs at Funny Women offered tea, sympathy and a kick up the backside strong enough to get me going, but gentle enough to acknowledge any episiotomy scars (if you don’t know what they are, resist the temptation to Google it, you are better off not knowing some things until you are off your face on gas and air).
I entered the 2011 Funny Women Awards and made it through the heats. The next stage required a terrifying trip to London – terrifying because the babysitting arrangements meant using up so many favours with family and friends that I risked never being able to leave the house again. Reaching the semi-finals made all the ensuing ‘thank you’ playdates worthwhile (almost).
This year I’m off to Edinburgh for the first time. I checked with Funny Women first – to see if this was a crazy and misguided thing to do. They assured me it absolutely was and I should go for it.
My show, Mummy’s gone a bit parental explores fundamental dilemmas such as: is it okay to Febreze a six year old? To turn up to school dressing up day as Tequila shot girl? Does the Lego Movie classify as a ‘good night out’? Caitlin Moran is on record as saying you shouldn’t use your children as material – their experiences belong to them. My view is that once you’ve found yourself deliberately spilling scalding coffee on yourself in a restaurant to mask your son’s poo stain on your blouse– you deserve revenge.
I’m also launching my spoof nanny advice book Turnip-Led Weaning at the Fringe. It’s a send up of all those manuals which demand junior MUST be speaking Cantonese by the time they are six months old or you should hand your offspring to social services. They seem utterly daft with the benefit of hindsight, but as a new mum, at 2 am in the morning, after months of sleep deprivation, if someone had suggested to me my child would go to sleep if I cut my own leg off and marinated it in anchovy paste, I would have been off to find a carving knife faster than you can say swaddle me now.
So thanks Funny Women, without your encouragement I’d never have had the guts to go the Fringe, instead I’d be spending August enjoying a lazy summer holiday at home … ermhang on a minute…
Mummy’s Gone a Bit Parental is on at the Mint Studio, Greenside, 6 Infirmary Street, Edinburgh EH1 1LT. 12.40 – 1.20 August 17th -22nd and 24th – 29th. Tickets are available from www.edfringe.com follow Harriet at www.helpfulhumour.com or on Twitter @mummysgoneabit
