Every wondered what it's like inside the mind of a Fringe performer?
Performing in a Fringe festival such as Brighton Fringe is a very exciting thing for everyone involved, but it's rare that people know the processes that go on in a performers mind before, during and after a show.
Performers rehearse for months before the fringe and it is hard work. We give up any free time to our art and a big chunk (if not all) of our social life takes a hit. During the actual shows our minds and bodies go through a rollercoaster. It's not all rainbows, kittens and smiles. Unless you are actually going to a fringe show called, 'Rainbows, kittens and smiles'. In that instance it might be all those things.
After talking to so many comedians about this subject I thought it would be a interesting blog post to share. Now you can take a peek into what other comedians or performers go through leading up to and during the fringe seasons. Be warned it is not always pretty.
So, what is it like in the mind of a performer?
I have talked to many of my friends who are also comedians, actors or performers and below is a summary of what we discussed goes on in our heads before, during and after a show.*
*Views do not apply to every single comedian or performer in the world. (But, I bet they come close)
Before the show
We go through stupid levels of adrenaline and anxiety. The thoughts that trigger us can be: "Will the months of work pay off? Will the audience like it? Will there be an audience? Will I remember my lines/set? How many times do I have to keep going to the toilet? What if it goes wrong?"
To get a handle on these thoughts and anxieties many of us have rituals or routines that we do before a show. These can involve clothing, chocolate, music and naps.
During the show
The internal monologue can be present throughout a performance even when you are doing your set or play. It can go something like this: "They laughed at me! That guy has his arms folded so he must hate me. What’s the next bit? I really love this. I can’t believe I am doing this. I hate this. Ok, I love it again. Did I say that already? I forgot a bit. Oh, they laughed again. "
After the show
Our minds can go two ways so it can be a gamble how we will feel.
The Elation – Our hearts are pumping with pride and we feel like we have done the best we can do. The audience loved us. People are coming up to us to say how they enjoyed it. We think how amazing we are and how there is nothing we can’t do! We are sociable. Everything feels so right in the universe.
The Misery – The audience didn't get it. We could have done a better show. We had no audience. People are avoiding eye contact with us or so we think. We want to go home. We want to go to bed for a few days and just sleep. We think we are not good enough. We wonder what the hell we are doing with our lives. Every insecurity we could possibly have can come to the surface. Maybe we should just have a baby. (Or, maybe not).
Sleep and getting grounded
So important yet often (nearly always) sleep is so hard to achieve after performing. It's so tempting to get tweeting/facebooking looking for comments about your show to keep that buzz going. Some people often need a drink or set aside 'wind down' time to achieve sleep or to just get grounded. Sleep is affected by both good shows and bad shows. We can't win.
The Comedown
We can't win with the comedown either. Everyone gets the comedown. Everyone. Whether we had elation or misery over our performance, the comedown will catch up with us. After our show it will happen the next day, a couple of days or even months later. After one show, mid fringe run or post run, the comedown can strike at any time if we are not careful. I have never met a comedian or performer who doesn't get some kind of a comedown. Dark thoughts, paranoia and depression can make a home in our heads. Different people have different strategies to cope with it. However, a lot of us have to go back to our 'day jobs' and this can add to the pain. The saving grace is that it does get better and the light can be seen again in the form of doing another performance, starting a new project or having a creative idea we want to try. Welcome to the rollercoaster.
Helping ourselves
The healthy way – Eat well, get enough sleep, take vitamins, pace ourselves, exercise and don’t stop taking your medication!
The most common way – Eat chocolate and comfort foods, drink alcohol, stay up late talking with friends, obsess about what is written on social media about us, or have jealous thoughts as someone else's show is better than ours!
Improving ourselves and our show
We take the good and bad feedback then use it to improve ourselves. (Well, most of the time) We listen to recordings or watch the video of our performances. We are hard on ourselves. We ask people we trust for honest feedback. I would suggest that you only give a performer feedback if they have asked you to. We can be in a very sensitive and vulnerable place when we come off stage. We try to keep evolving and moving forward. However, 'helpful' comments in the wrong circumstances can crush a performer. We try not to fester (too much).
Get inspiration and not jealous
It's really important for us to see other comedians and shows. In fact we are curious to see how we compare with other comedians or performers. We see good shows and bad ones. Bad comedy can inspire us as much as good comedy. Although, it is frustrating when we feel we have wasted an hour of our lives, bad comedy can have it's plus side because it makes us think, "I can do that better than this". It will also make us feel a bit smug. (Don't you comedians/performers pretend you don't get smug because I know you do). Good comedy makes us think, "I want to be as good as that". Same applies to acting. If honest, it will also make us feel a bit shit about ourselves for a while as we agonise on when or if we'll ever be that good!
Things we forget being a comedian and performer
– Not everyone can do what we do
– The more we do something the better it can get
– We make big sacrifices for our art
– Success doesn't happen over night
– Anything can happen
– Just keep going
The thing is, we will still come back next year and will do it all again. We will put ourselves through the same mental torture. So, the the big question is – Why do we do all this to ourselves?!
I think it is because we love it and it's the only thing we want to do. We feel we are 'home' when we are performing to an audience.
I can't speak for everyone, but a lot of these things seem to be rife in me and in the comedians or actors I surround myself with. Most of the time we don't want you to see what's really going on. However, lets be honest with each other. Behind the scenes of every fringe show you can know with confidence that there will have been blood, sweat and tears shed at some point. More reason to support your local fringe festival.
Want to know what other comedians and performers, such as Funny Women favourites Zoe Charles and Lynn Ruth Miller have to say about surviving their fringe show? Then click HERE to read the rest of Jane's Fringe blog.
Jane Postlethwaite – Northern Comedic actor, stand-up & writer. Follow Jane on Twitter @_JPostlethwaite
