Why I keep trying to break up with comedy

Every month we invite our readers to pitch us articles on a theme revealed in our regular newsletter. Find out what our next theme is by subscribing to our newsletter below. For February we went with the theme ‘Valentine’s’ and Ruby Martin caught our eye with a pitch about breaking up with comedy. But dammit, comedy, we just can’t quit you…

Most of us have had that relationship. In the beginning, every date gives you butterflies. Your parents ask about it, although they’re not sure it will last. Your friends are sick of hearing about it. But for me, this wasn’t for a guy. I fell in love with comedy.

It started at university. During Freshers Week I have no money, so when I get invited to a free improv session, I figure I’ll give it a go. That session, I fell in love. Whose Line is It Anyway wasn’t as far away as it seemed on the TV all those years ago. I decided to try sketch and stand up too, where it turned out I have a real talent for writing jokes, and these kind new friends encourage me to keep going. I performed my first show and the rush of adrenaline is unparalleled. During my three years, I did every single show I could. I was obsessed.

Fast forward seven years later. I am still gigging outside of work. However, things are getting a bit stale, so I try to keep it interesting. I get into character comedy which goes well, but there is a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I am trying to ignore.

Then the pandemic happens. All my gigs disappear in an instant. However, instead of disappointment, I feel something else entirely: relief.

When there was a movement online in 2020 where comedians came forward with their experiences of harassment on the circuit, it made me realise how much I had been ignoring. 

I was travelling hours to gigs only to be demeaned off-stage. I ran my own gig to create a safe and fun space to experiment but spent all my time doing admin and cajoling people to come rather than getting to experiment myself. I was going broke trying to get paid to perform. If any of my friends were putting in this much effort with no long-term commitment in sight, I would have told them to dump him a long time ago.

It’s been two years and I frequently get questions from friends when I’m going to perform again. Maybe it’s just been long enough that I’m seeing things with rose-tinted glasses, or maybe I’m just envious of seeing all the new performers flaunt their relationship online (sadly, you can’t block all comedians), but I’m tempted.

However, what I’ve decided is that if I’m going to return, it has to be on my terms. I write articles and stories now, but the itch to perform hasn’t gone away. So, the other day, I got an idea for a show. This time, I want to bring together everything I learnt on the stage and everything else I’ve learnt since being off it too. I want to tell a story that may make you laugh. But most importantly, I want to say I tried. After all, it may not be love, but maybe me and comedy can still be friends.