What news events caught the eye of The Tomboy Tirade crew? Co-host of Asia’s biggest and only all-female comedy chat podcast, Raven from the Tomboy Tarts give her ten prickly picks for the month of October.
PRICKLY PICK #1:
Shop owners from all over the country woke up to a puzzling phenomenon where random letters have fallen off the signboards overnight, leaving behind jumbled nonsense in their wake. Country Living, a wholesome lifestyle brand store, was forced to take down its signboard. “It became a problem for us when the missing characters happen to be ‘O’ and ‘R’.”
PRICKLY PICK #2
US president Donald Trump could soon write entire White House statements via tweet, with Twitter now testing the possibility of doubling the character limit to 280. “We feel the President will be able to declare war much more easily,” political experts warn. “Or he could threaten multiple countries, together with North Korea, in one go.”
PRICKLY PICK #3:
Apple claims that their new facial recognition feature is foolproof. But who could bypass said security with deadly ease? A master of deception who steals people’s faces after each killing? Welcome, Arya Stark – the new gateway to every iPhone X.
PRICKLY PICK #4
When your body is bangin’ but only the chest, Calvin Klein has you covered with their brand new $2000 see-through sweater that is missing a torso. The Multicolour Wool Cheerleader Sweater is creating havoc on the restaurants’ “No shirt, no service” policy. This does raise deep questions. Is a sweater still a sweater without the torso ? My nipples are cold just looking at it.”
PRICKLY PICK #5
The incriminating BBC footage of a rat brazenly scurrying past No 10 residence has put Larry the Downing Street cat on the defence. His commitment to the job of chief mouser has already been brought into question where documents released under Freedom of Information laws show Palmerston, the Foreign Office’s cat, is the most lethal feline in Westminster. Larry claimed that Palmerston has planted the rat as part of his leadership coup.”All my four paws are firmly planted here, I am going nowhere.”
PRICKLY PICK #6
Keeping up with the Kardashians is getting a brand new title for its next season: Keeping up with the Kardashian Khildren. With three of her sisters pregnant at the same time, it’s now Kendall’s turn to karry her token child. When will the fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse turn up?
PRICKLY PICK #7
A model creates a mass hysteria on Internet when she did not shave her legs for a advertisement. One Instagram user wrote: “I am shocked to find out that women have hairy legs, like men. Aren’t they supposed to poop out bunnies, rainbows and unicorns? Adidas should have photoshopped out her leg hair to protect our young children.”
PRICKLY PICK 8
A company creates ‘Snowflake Test’ to make sure no whiny millennials get hired accidentally. The CEO insists he is not a snowflake though. “I just find diversity threatening so I create this safe space for myself. Here I am always right and surrounded by yes men who would not challenge my views.”
PRICKLY PICK #9
Kendall and Kylie Jenner have have given up on any pretence of being original for their fashion brand. “Why bother to think of new products when you can easily slap your faces over iconic musicians on t-shirts or rip off a Chinese Takeout handbag from another designer”? said a source close to the sisters. “Copying is lit. It’s the best form of flattery.”
PRICKLY PICK #10
Biblical literalists are disappointed that the world did not come to an end on September 23, as prophesied in Revelation. They have been waiting for the arrival of Doomsday ever since the purported ancient Maya prediction failed to materialise on December 21, 2012. “We thought North Korea will blow up on the world this year and it clearly did not happen. But there is always next year.”
