They say the camera adds 10 pounds. I don’t remember eating a camera.
Hello! Yes, this is me. Living it up in Japan. As if you’re not sick of me telling you. I’ve been here three months now, and at a conservative estimate I’ve put on three kilos. It might even be four by now. That’s just under 10lbs, or an average adult-sized portion of digital camera. Including the battery and SD card.
Mercifully this photo makes it harder to tell. I mean, I’m not fat. Yet. Sure, I can see I’ve got ‘chipmunk cheeks’ but I doubt anyone else can. You’ll see it now, of course, now I pointed it out. I’m storing limited edition crisps in my mouth for winter.
I can identify a number of ‘problems’, if we’re calling them that, which have led to my mild weight gain here:
1) Vanilla yoghurt and whipped cream sandwiches.
2) A noticeable tendency for anything not served raw to be served deep fried.
3) Limited time only Starbucks frappuccinos.
4) Limited time only McDonalds burgers.
5) Chu-hai. This should explain everything.
6) RICE. Also known as ‘flavourless calories’.
Yeah, I think those are the main offenders. Japan somehow has this image of healthy food and green tea everywhere you look. Please don’t be fooled. It is scarily easy to put on weight here. Just one look at a plate of sushi and bam! You look like a fugu fish.
Add to that Japan’s never-ending love affair with the all-you-can-eat buffet. I go to these things with the clear intention of getting my money’s worth. The exchange rate as it is, that’s a lot of food to get through.
I suspect the oppressive summer heat isn’t making me feel any thinner. Humidity makes everything cling. Especially the poor hard-done-by waitresses trying to lure you into their cafe. Being here seems to have changed the gravitational pull around me. I naturally careen towards bakeries and fast food joints now.
Fruit juice? You can keep it, Osaka. Shove your smoothies. Because, for some reason, all fruit juices here have to have milk in them. What’s that about?
By the time I get back, I may be unrecognisable. Visually, anyway. You can expect just as much wit and snark from a Kady double (or even triple) the size. It helps that ‘snark’ sounds like ‘snack’, I love those.
