In the summer 2001 my mother frogmarched me to the doctors for a suspected eating disorder. I’d simply limited my Hob Nob intake and developed a small obsession with the gym (for a very good reason). My doctor suggested that I begin a food journal. Well, this all seemed rather boring and unnecessary to me, however it did inspire me, to start penning a normal diary, I am after all one of the Dawson’s Creek generation and that’s precisely the sort of thing those jumped up tossers did. Around about this time it had dawned on me I was still a virgin and shortly after that epiphany the unimaginable horror that was 9/11 happened. Nothing of this scale had ever happened in my lifetime before. This fear was not helped by the Daily Mail and Sophia in Spanish class constantly scare-mongering. So combine my poor performance in the de-flowering race with the all-consuming fear that we were going to be blown up at any moment and you have a girl on a mission to get that cherry well and truly popped! I’ve decided to share with you over the coming weeks my hideous diary entries…
2nd October 2001
Ok so things to research:
1. Sex (missionary and doggy mainly)
2. Blow Jobs
3. Fingering
4. Hand Jobs & Tit Wanks (Erica talks about these a lot but I don’t know if she’s joking?)
5. All available forms of contraception and the Morning After Pill because…
He txt! He bloody fucking wanking txt!!! I didn’t even realise till the end of school as I had my phone confiscated whilst I was fielding in Rounders (they also took my fags which is a pain as fielding is a really good opportunity for chaining it) and didn’t get it back till the end of the day, by which time the battery had died and I had to wait till I got home to charge it!
I think it’s cause he hasn’t seen me at the gym however there is a small chance he may have seen me, as I walked home with Chelsea IN MY SCHOOL UNIFORM!!!!!!!!!!!!! Luckily I saw his red Nissan Sunny (which I imagine we will do it in at least once) speeding towards us and made Chelsea cover my face with her Graphics Folder. Shit! What if he txt me before I walked home? … I was walking home at 3.30… What if saw me, saw my uniform, recognised me through Chelsea’s graphics folder and has changed his mind?
I haven’t replied yet so the only way to find out is if I reply… What do I say to “Hey! How’s that new gym plan working out?” How do I respond in a cool manner but get flirty? If I was being honest I would say “Hey you! Gym plan going well but my bum is aching like a bugger and I can’t lift my drinks without assistance… Do you want to date me then eventually, but before the world ends take my virginity?” Urgggghhhh this is difficult, maybe I should throw in something about A Levels and driving tests to keep the lie about my age up a little longer?
“Hey – yeah all going good thanks. Trying to cram it all in between driving and A Levels- could do with a drink?”
“Hey, I really need some help with the plan actually? How’s you?”
“Hey, it’s going well but would be easier if I had you to guide me… Wanna catch up?”
“Hey, my arse is killing, I really fancy you and would like you to take me to TGI Fridays then the pictures?”
I’m gonna leave it a few hours, go to dance class, have some dinner and txt from my bed so I can drop into convo I am in bed… Which is sexy.
P.S Really really want Kylie’s new album.
P.P.S We found out our Latin teacher goes clubbing in leather.
P.P.P.S My theme for Tim is still Shola Ama Imagine (Club Asylum Remix).
