Plastic man of poop-culture extraordinaire, he’s so shiny that I’m not actually sure he exists.
The only thing I find consoling about One Direction is that I feel – if indeed they do actually function as real human beings – nothing. I’ll repeat and qualify my nothing: I feel nothing. I think this means I’m above society. Or at least I want to file for extradition from a society where a boy-man’s face gets the nation by the knickers but no one cares about the fact that they haven’t invented a hot water bottle that I can drink tea out of whilst I try to cope with my monthly womb cry.
At this point I should probably introduce myself as Mimi ‘not-always-irate-at-boy-bands’ Biggadike (Yes you read my second name correctly). And I’m already bored of talking about One Direction; everything that they are is recycled and not in a good way like your tin cans. In a bad way, like dogs eating their own vomit. So now, let’s talk about some boss-face women of extraordinary originality and musical beauty.
Beth Jeans Houghton is amazing. In her video, ‘Dodecahedrons’ she hangs up bacon on a washing line because that’s just the kind of woman she is. Emmy the Great is the superlative babe. Her song ‘Hypnotist’s Son’ includes the lyrics:
"And I want to jump in it
Wanna give it a voice
Wanna cut to the finish
But nihilism’s for boys"
She’s so fluidly lucid, despite the fact that one lyrics website tried to tell me that the last line is in fact, "Deny your lizards for boys". If you are desirous of more animals in your music, why not try out Marika Hackman’s ‘Animal Fear’ (with the ultimate combination of werewolves and lovely Laura Marling).
I love these women because they have personality, and so too does their music. It’s very far away from the strange self-delusion in the kind of persona constructed by female artists such as Beyoncé. Her message seems to be: ‘I’ve got no trousers on, look at my STRONG legs’ whilst also ‘HOW DARE YOU LOOK AT MY STRONG LEGS’. I’m not sure how this makes me feel about legs in general. And I don’t want to be uncomfortable about my own body when I listen to music; I want to follow Lady Lamb the Beekeeper’s thought process instead: "Yeah but you can grow basil on the sill".
So, let’s deny musical homogeneity and listen to all these lady bosses of awesomeness instead of One DogRegurgitation. Go grow some basil.
Mimi Biggadike – For more words of wisdom from Mimi check out her blog here!
