Why I must grow up? It is rubbish and boring
I don't want a mortgage, a job or to start snoring
Because that's what happens, you know it to be true
I won't be able to do the things that I presently do
For example, yesterday I did this, and I cannot deny
But I sang, with a Dutch accent, the hits of McFly
It was the definition of brilliant, it amused me for hours
It will now entertain me in my early morning showers
And when I was feeling particularly spirited and jolly
I decided to dress my dog up as Where's Wally
I have skills which are useless in every single job
What career will require my impression of Spongebob
Moreover, everyone knows that in my 20th year
I was in casualty, with a pen stuck in my ear
I still frequently listen to the music of Ant & Dec
And I can quote word for word, the script of Shrek
And yes, I still laugh at clips of Dick and Dom
It's where I get my shouting out 'bogies' game from
I can't take a nice photograph, I just can't pose
Well I can, but it will involve me picking my nose
I just can't survive without a cheesy popstar routine
Or putting my name into the song 'Come on Eileen'
And as for love, relationships, boyfriends and the rest
I just find it all a bit difficult to digest
I mean, there are some men when I look into their eyes
All I can think, is I want you in between my thighs
But then I think actually, do you know what I'd rather do
I'd rather sit and watch some David Tennant Doctor Who
So I'm not too bothered really, I think I'm alright
I've got a new dance to choreograph scheduled in for tonight
So to life, you won't get me and I will not lose
And if you want me to give this all up, I'll have to refuse
Because you can force me to appear grown up in different ways and sorts
But you will never stop me pretending that I go to Hogwarts
Hetty Austin
Hetty is currently in her third year of university, and is passionate about comedy performance and writing. Follow Hetty on Twitter @HetupaboutHet.
