What news events caught the eye of the Tomboy Tirade crew? Raven give her ten prickly picks for the month of August
PRICKLY PICK #1
Cabinet Office Chief Mouser Larry is pleased to hear about the end of the government’s eight-year austerity programme. “After suffering through eight years of budget cuts in cat food, we the government cats expect to be fed five times a day now. And no more inferior substitutes for Dreamies!” said the Downing Street Cat.
PRICKLY PICK #2
In the wake of a report by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, the oil and gas industry was left devastated that our planet had only a decade left to prevent catastrophic global warming. “Imagine all the billions of dollars worth of the oil and gas trapped under the earth, never to see the light of the day, after we are all gone,” said the world’s top 10 oil and gas firms in a recent statement. They pledged to triple the oil and gas production worldwide to extract all the oil and gas from the earth within the next 10 years. “There is no more time to waste.”
PRICKLY PICK #3
Banksy is hospitalised from an injury caused by a bobby trap hidden in the million dollar cheque. The artist decides not to press charges but will display the shredded cheque as his latest artwork. “The shredded million dollar cheque is now worth twice its value.”
PRICKLY PICK #4:
Kanye West recently pushed back his White House bid to 2024. But he decided to go ahead with his name change to POTUS. “POTUS means a lot to me, it reflects my dream, my passion. It went from Kanye, which means the only one, to POTUS, short for The President of the United States, whom I aspire to become one day.”
PRICKLY PICK #5
UK’s first female time lord has discovered that gender inequality still exists through time and space. Despite the similar job scope, the gender pay gap between the previous male Doctors and her is a shocking 14.1%. “I faced a lot of opposition when I was first appointed for the position. Many people believe that The Doctor is not allowed to have their genetics changed to become a woman after 4.5 billion years of being a man. They do not want to give me a chance to prove myself,” said The Doctor who is also a firm supporter of the #metoo movement. “This is much worse than me being sexually harassed by male aliens at work.”
PRICKLY PICK #6
The new Apple Watch has a heart monitor to detect heart attacks. That feature can come in handy which you check out the price of a new iPhone XS.
PRICKLY PICK #7
The B-list celebrities and influencers were disappointed with the smaller turnout at Princess Eugenie ’s royal wedding. “I only made it to the waiting list of Prince Harry’s wedding so I am really excited to finally be a guest at the St. George’s Chapel. But there is no adoring crowd outside waiting for the Princess,” said a guest who declined to reveal their name. “I went out for a smoke but I couldn’t find a public member to help me take a photo of my OOTD, let alone ask me for an autograph.”
PRICKLY PICK #8
Cathay Pacific clarifies that the misspelling “Cathay Paciic” on the side of its plane was intentional. “This is part of our new branding where we give no F,” said its spokesperson.
PRICKLY PICK #9
Foreign Office Chief Mouser Palmerston faces calls to step down after photos of him holding a hapless duckling in his mouth went viral on social media. “It came to my attention that many were upset by these pictures, for that I apologise. I do seek your understanding that I am a cat above everything else. Sometimes we cats have that urge to hunt, ” said the popular diplomat cat.
PRICKLY PICK #10
A GoFundMe campaign is raising money to help self-made millionaire Kylie Jenner become the world’s youngest billionaire. Her super fans have pledged to donate the additional 100 million by buying up all her Kylie Cosmetics lip kits in Sephora for the next 12 months.
