The Dotonbori river is a body of water I wander alongside quite often. There’s usually something going on along the riverside – something you can hear before you get to it. Like, we’ve had Hawaiian dancing, samurai sword demos… an idol group dancing on one side of the river while fans with glowsticks dance like crazy on the other side…
One of the more recent displays on the edge of the Dotonbori was… a giant, interactive advert for Febreze.
Before I get into the rest of this crazy post: I, like many, was convinced it’s always been Febreeze with two e’s. Googling to confirm has only confirmed that I’m wrong, and Febreze has used a single e since time immaterial. Or at least for the last 20 years since it first came out.
For reasons which were beyond me, a group of ninjas was hanging around some large, cardboard temple gates in front of this massive Febreze.
They were encouraging tourists – and only tourists, mind – to pose with the product. Now, I’ve been in this situation before. Like when I was in Tokyo and walked straight into a Pepsi promo truck.
This felt a little different. Back when Jude Law was shilling the most carbonated Pepsi ever, I was pretty sure the promo girls wouldn’t open one in my general direction. The Febreze situation was a little more tense. After all, they’re ninjas. What’s to say they wouldn’t get a whiff of me and pounce?
I plucked up the courage to have my photo taken. We shouted ‘Febreze!’ instead of ‘cheese’, and squirted our bottles into the night air. Nope, they weren’t empty. Yes, I got Febreze mist backdraft all over my glasses. It happened again when I walked past some other tourists doing it just as the wind picked up.
I thought I looked cool. All the comments I’ve had on these pics have been about my shoes. I take this to mean that I made the right career choice and I’d make a rubbish ninja.
The novelty had been satisfying. There were no shurikens nestling in my hair. My clothes no longer reeked of cigarette smoke from the cafe I’d been in earlier. But I was still uncertain why the ninjas were necessary.
Was it because Febreze eliminates odours the way ninjas get rid of their enemies? Was it the silent, barely visible way they went about it? Was there some kind of wordplay I was missing, even?
“Hey, guys, so uhhhh how come you’re all dressed up as ninjas?”
“Honestly, we have no idea.”
That settles that, then.
