Can we talk about reviews for a second?
Because I know I’m not meant to care about them.
Because they are just one person’s opinion.
Because the audience that comes loves the work and that’s what I care about.
Because I know I’m not meant to care about reviews AT. ALL.
But I do.
I obsess over the badly written ones, or the ones that are factually incorrect, or the ones that can’t spell, or the ones that give three stars to a glowing review that reads more like five stars, or the ones that call me “cute” even when I’m doing an empowering and funny show where I come out with tits blazing.
I obsess over them because as a touring fringe artist, they directly affect my bottom line. But artists never have a right of reply. Because the very words “right of reply” may as well spell “sour grapes.” Guess what? My grapes are sour. Or they would be if I could afford grapes.
Some sage advice for everyone: please don’t read reviews or rely on star ratings when choosing your Edinburgh shows to watch. Stars are so arbitrary and are rarely an accurate measure of a show’s quality. And this is coming from someone whose show regularly receives four and five stars. Because here’s the thing: some reviewers revel more in their own “clever” writing than penning a fair assessment of the show itself – i.e writing a nasty, snarky review gets more clicks than a fair description for a potential audience.
Considering a review can financially ruin someone who has invested their own money into touring, here also is some advice (or a plea, you choose) for reviewers to keep your review fair: Before you slam a show, consider if it’s the last show of the evening after seeing shows all day. Were you hungry or uncomfortable in your seat? Are you judging a woman on her looks instead of her comedy? Do you even like comedy or do you prefer the works of Pinter?
Or…. you, as audience, could completely ignore all reviews altogether, and maybe then they would fade away into the distance like that shitty ex-boyfriend/girlfriend who sometimes treated you really well but was otherwise a massive arsehole. And as for those all-important stars? Well, maybe we should leave the stars where they belong, to do what they do best: to light the night sky.
Lana Schwarcz is performing her VERY-WELL-REVIEWED-BUT-YOU-DON’T CARE-ABOUT-THAT show, Lovely Lady Lump at The Gilded Balloon Teviot: Turret at 4pm Aug 3rd – 29th for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. For tickets and more information click here!
