When you’re in the mood for fast food, Japan never disappoints. The homesick can easily find a McDonald’s, KFC, Burger King or Subway for that artificial taste of wherever it is you come from.
Your other option is a Japanese take on fast food. A quick bowl of noodles. Convenience store food packaged to within an inch of its life. Something on rice (doesn’t really matter what). Or half a dozen saucy octo-balls.
Yup, I’m talking about takoyaki – mini fried pancake balls with bits of octopus inside. Like a fully edible and much less disappointing Kinder Surprise. And a far better ball-related culinary experience than this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnNYXgV7L-c
Osaka is known here as ‘Japan’s kitchen’. I’ve probably mentioned that before and I will do again. The other day I ate a parfait as big as my face. But what I’m getting at is that Osaka is particularly known for its takoyaki.
A browse around most any souvenir shop in the vicinity will inevitably lead you to tacky takoyaki memorabilia. Akin to going to Cornwall and bringing back a keyring shaped like a pasty. It didn’t take me long to find these:
Perfect for the man, woman or child who just loves to dangle their love of takoyaki from the end of their keys. Some of this stuff comes with ‘do not eat’ warnings on the packaging. Even the smiling ones. The mind boggles.
Obviously, staring at cute fake food wasn’t going to be enough for me. I was hungry, and I pride myself on adhering to ‘do not eat’ signs on plastic. I hit the streets in search of that unmistakeable wafting scent of cooked octopus.
That’s the stuff.
I’m not one for overly complicated cooking, but I still appreciate watching food being made. The passage of time will not lessen the need to press my nose against the glass at Krispy Kreme. Seeing how deftly the takoyaki man flipped his balls using only a pair of chopsticks was a sheer joy.
My choice of topping was oroshi ponzu mayo. You wouldn’t think mayo on everything would be intrinsically Japanese, but I assure you it is. There’s no escaping it. Oroshi is grated radish, and ponzu is citrus-y soy sauce. The combination somehow works. I scarfed the lot without regrets or stopping to breathe.
Readers back in the UK will find it a whole lot more difficult to get the full, rounded takoyaki experience. I leave you with this fairly extensive Londonist article and specific instructions to chase your dinner up with mochi ice cream.
