Sliding closer to the thirties, I sit in my swively chair at work still struggling to spot a difference. The fact that I’m still amazed by and amusing myself with a chair that spins is a clear indication that I’ve not matured a great deal.
As the weekend approached I did, however, realise that nowadays I prefer a night at the pub or better yet curled up at home with a chilly glass of G&T in my hand over sweaty nights at Fabric gurning my face off. I was never massively into drugs but I experimented and can tell you one other thing I’ve learned: no one, especially me, looks cute on drugs. I can safely say never in my life have I looked less attractive than when I’ve taken drugs.
We all know the health risks/dangers but I fear not enough people know how ugly they look when chewing their face off. So unattractive do I look under the influence, I blame losing a potential boyfriend because of it. I was stoned as fuck and he stumbled upon me making and consuming a portion of scrambled eggs consisting of 12 whole eggs and an iddy biddy splash of milk. He got a little freaked out, took the bowl away from me and shortly after, I puked on his shoes (I was 18).
Cocaine, well whenever I’ve done it I chew my face off and do some weird twirly action with my wrists as I corner people I usually despise and try to bond with them, beginning every sentence with “At the end of the day…” Only to be followed by an entire week of self loathing.
I’ve never done hallucinogenics because I once took some Mandy, went to get up off the toilet and saw a Chinese dragon staring back at me in the reflection of my bathroom mirror prompting me to spend the following five hours rather intensely, persuading fellow revellers I was in fact, a Chinese dragon. Not my most attractive hour, especially when one of the party goers I was nattering away to was, in actuality, a speaker.
I decided in that moment, anything that was actually trippy would be far too much for me. In conclusion kids, drugs are bad. You will get told of the dangers and horrors stories but if you’re still curious, go along to rave sober and take a little look at just how “hot” every perspiring fucker looks as they grind their jaw off.
