Christmas always reminds me of the phrase: “When you’re up to your neck in alligators, it’s easy to forget you set out to drain the swamp.”
This time of the year we women seem to spend half our time complaining about the expense and commerciality of Christmas. Some say, sadly, “of course, Christmas is for the children” which, essentially means, “I don’t expect to enjoy it, myself.”
This may be heresy, but I’ve often wondered whether, without women, Christmas might be a much happier (albeit slimmer and drabber) affair. It is horribly possible that, without our control freakdom and fervour, the majority of blokes would probably be happy to pick up whatever’s remotely turkey-like that’s still in the local supermarket freezer on Christmas Eve, some beer and a bag of party poppers and be perfectly content.
Maybe they’re right. We often run ourselves ragged with all the preparations. We overspend, over-extend ourselves, over-complicate things and try to live up to some incredibly unrealistic standard of hospitality and catering … not to mention the horrors of some members of the family visiting — or events that we long outgrew but are still expected to attend — and that we make our children attend “because it’s traditional.”
But, you know, it’s not them who controls our lives, whoever they, might be; it’s us. Only we can reclaim the miracles and mystery of this time of year that have existed for thousands of years — way longer than Christianity has been in place.
From the day we first started appreciating the cycles of nature, humanity has celebrated the Solstices. The Winter Solstice on the 21st heralds the return of the Sun and December 25th is when we have the first, visible evidence that the days are lengthening and that spring will come once again. I believe that there is a deep primal need in our soul to celebrate this festival whether our busy, social, disbelieving selves deem it relevant or not.
The Winter Solstice is a kind of choice between life and death. We may know that the sun returns because it happens every year. But the ancient celebrations are just as much about our willingness to let our own inner source of light rekindle.
You may be going “what’s she on about? ‘own inner source of light indeed!”’ but you do have just that. You have an immortal soul that requires you to seek joy. Even more, you have a supply of what I’ll call Grace and others would call Spirit allotted to you every day. Use it for happiness and it expands; use it for things you hate or resent doing, and it contracts. You don’t have to believe me; you know that’s true.
It’s often said that the birth of Jesus was placed on December 25th because it was the ancient celebration of Saturnalia and Christianity stole the date as well as a great deal of the pagan symbolism.
William Tighe, a church history specialist at Pennsylvania’s Muhlenberg College, puts forward the exact opposite theory —that Aurelian created a pagan alternative to a date that was already of some significance to Roman Christians. Tighe says that the generally-held pagans-first theory only originated three centuries ago in the writings of Protestant historian Paul Ernst Jablonski and Catholic monk Jean Hardouin. However, we’ll never know for sure and whichever it was, there has long been a series of religious festivals going into and out of the darkest days. It’s a wonderful reclamation of Christmas, Hanukkah, Diwali, the Hindu Malkh — whatever —to do something personal and spiritual to mark the ending of one year and the resurgence of the light in you for the coming year.
So lighten up if you possibly can. There is no happiness in having to get it right.
I had a fabulous lesson in this last Christmas. I made the Christmas cake with home-made almond paste and icing as usual — the ‘perfect’ way that my mother had taught me; good old family tradition and pressure! Then, the day before the family arrived, I decided to move it out of the kitchen to somewhere cool.
And I dropped it.
You can see from the picture, the end result. Probably a year or two ago I would have cried with frustration. This time, I burst into laughter and couldn’t stop laughing for more than an hour.
It was the most delicious cake we’ve ever eaten, probably because every time we had a slice, all of us laughed. I might have to drop this year’s on Christmas Eve too just for the sake of pure celebration. Even now, when I look at the picture, I chuckle.
Never forget that, as the author of Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert writes: “all the sorrow and trouble of this world is caused by unhappy people …The search for contentment is, therefore, not merely a self-preserving and self-benefiting act but also a generous gift to the world. Clearing out all your misery gets you out of the way. You cease being an obstacle, not only to yourself but to anyone else. Only then are you free to serve and enjoy other people.”
It takes an effort to be happy. You have to practice happiness. Often you have to walk away from habits (such as the family Christmas) to find out what actually does bring you delight. And here’s a clue: saying, “other people’s happiness is all that’s important to me” is a loser’s game. You will never teach another to be happy if you aren’t happy yourself. Unhappy mothers raise unhappy children.
So take some time out this Christmas for you. And, even if you just can’t and still think Christmas is going to be hell, perhaps now is the time to promise yourself that next year you will actually do what you would like to do instead of what society and the family wants you to do instead.
