Yes, we’ve all seen it by now. Country Life’s ‘39 steps to being a lady‘. Sorry for the delay, it took me this long to pick myself up off the floor.
Okay, the very first one – ‘laughter is the best medicine’ – we’re totally on board with. Knows how to say ‘thank you’, well, that’s just common sense. Makes an excellent G&T – I think this is something we all aspire to, right?
Then we get to step nine. ‘Can imitate Piglet and Pooh voices for a bedtime story’. Oh dear, as Piglet might say. The last time I tried to do impressions, someone handed me a packet of Strepsils. And how (as per step 21) are we supposed to comfort nervous flyers when we’re often the ones who need comforting?
Being a lady is hard work. It can feel like a real Country Life sometimes.
With a nod to the tongue-in-cheek approach taken by Country Life, we present our nine steps (like you really want to take on 39 of them at this time of day) to becoming a Funny Woman:
Remember birthdays and anniversaries, and be prompt in sending out the most inappropriate cards you can find.
Always wear shoes you can run in. You never know where you’ll find free cake.
In the company of insufferable bores, staple a rictus grin to your face. Use quality staples, as the cheap mass-produced kind tends not to stay in place. Lipstick over the top.
Know when to take control, and when to take a pack of tummy control tights along in your handbag.
Keep a bottle of hand sanitiser gel in your possession at all times. It’s probably best not to ask why until you’re older.
Shower everyone you meet in kindness. They may only be able to offer you a shower of spittle in return, but at least you will have been annoyingly nice.
Revel in the company of other women. Listen intently to their tales of life well lived, as those make some of the best comedy material around.
Be aware that other people do not have the same sense of humour as you. This makes it okay to laugh at them when they fall over, because you’re just wired differently.
Perfect your giggle, and know when to use it. Your comic timing can often mask someone else’s lack of the same.
And, as it’s not really like us to be discreet, here are some other things you can do:
- Come along to a Time Of The Month scratch night.
- Book your place at the next Accidental Conference.
- Enter next year’s Funny Women Awards.
Check our events listings for all of the above and more.
Go on, what would you add to the list? Tweet your ideas to @funnywomen.
