In the summer 2001 my mother frogmarched me to the doctors for a suspected eating disorder. I’d simply limited my Hob Nob intake and developed a small obsession with the gym (for a very good reason). My doctor suggested that I begin a food journal. Well, this all seemed rather boring and unnecessary to me, however it did inspire me, to start penning a normal diary, I am after all one of the Dawson’s Creek generation and that’s precisely the sort of thing those jumped up tossers did. Around about this time it had dawned on me I was still a virgin and shortly after that epiphany the unimaginable horror that was 9/11 happened. Nothing of this scale had ever happened in my lifetime before. This fear was not helped by the Daily Mail and Sophia in Spanish class constantly scare-mongering. So combine my poor performance in the de-flowering race with the all-consuming fear that we were going to be blown up at any moment and you have a girl on a mission to get that cherry well and truly popped! I’ve decided to share with you over the coming weeks my hideous diary entries…
Saturday, 20th October
Ok so I know I haven’t written all week but that’s cause we’re learning a new dance routine for that Faithless song Insomnia (been picked for squad!!!!) and I hadn’t heard anything from Tom so what would I write about? Oh I did get a bollocking in physics for hiding my phone under my bum in an exam but that’s just cause I was worried Tim would text and I would miss it, not ‘cos I was cheating. I also found out I’m not the only one who uses the time at the end of an exam to sit and fantasise about sex whilst waiting for everyone else to finish! Apparently loads of us do it, which is a relief because I actually thought I was turning into a virgin sex maniac! Probably should stop rushing exams though… But other than that there was nothing to report until today.
After dancing, which by the way is nothing to worry about as all dance classes are in the evening and Tim does week day shifts, I went round Katy’s and Zoe was there. They were both hungover as they’d got into Ikon last night (slightly jealous of that as I always get asked for I.D there but apparently it’s just like the under 18s night without the foam party). Obviously I asked whether they’d seen Tim (they know what he looks like cause they came to the gym a few times) but they hadn’t.
So we were just sat there watching Friends and I get a text message from Tim!!!! “Hey how are you?” I actually screamed with joy! So much so Katy’s mum ran in to see what the matter was!!! Katy and Zoe said I should probably wait till this evening to reply so I just have now as I write!!! I needed to play it cool so I just said “Hey you!!! I’m really good thanks been sooooooo busy! How are you? What are you doing? What are you doing tonight? Any plans for the weekend? Are you out?” Nice and simple. He still hasn’t replied but I feel like I’m back in the virginity losing game so fuck you Nicole and your getting fingered!!! I reckon I will have been fingered in a week or so!
Dad came over this afternoon and as he arrived Mum and Sandra were very drunk and blasting Alanis Morissette’s You Oughta Know just to remind him he’s a cheating, lying dick. He took us to Buffalo Bills for dinner but refused to discuss getting us a kitten. I had a chicken escalope and salad and then went for a run and did my Yoga video to both burn calories of the fatty dinner and relax me and hopefully break my hymen. I’m off to bed now to dream of Tim.
