Ahh Unions… Once again you are striking and once again we find ourselves cramming onto replacement buses or braving Boris bikes. I could sit here and moan but I believe there is a lot be said for alternative transport so here is my positive spin on the other, often quite wonderful, ways to get across London and how to survive them!
Replacement Buses: Suitable for those who don’t like walking or are prone to getting a stitch. Thoroughly enjoyable for people who like looking out of windows.
Apparently TFL are putting 200 extra buses on the streets of London, that’s 200 extra chances of finding the love of your life! I have three friends all happily coupled off with partners that met by having a bit of banter on a bus, one of them is even engaged. I mean, yes this is all highly unlikely during a strike as a) you’ll probably be very sweaty due to the cramming on and b) the only person you’re likely to have contact with is probably an old woman grabbing anything nearby to keep her balance.
Pack deodorant (don’t make others suffer as you cling to the rail) and face wipes (some way or other your mascara will smudge).
Boris Bikes: Jolly good fun but slightly dangerous. There are only two people in this world ever who have managed to get me on a push bike; my mother, who told me the whopping lie that “All models cycle- it makes your legs longer” when I was nine years old and a man I fancied whose idea of “Jolly Good Fun” was Boris Biking through this marvellous city of ours. I suppose it was rather fun when we were in the safety of Regents Park but not when we hit the roads where I screamed at a consistently high pitch, the entire away until we reached a pub.
Many of you probably cycle already but if you’re considering biking it as a novelty just for today ask yourself – Are you outdoorsy? Do you like your hair to be lacking bounce and shine? Do you enjoy having bruises on your fanny? If you answered “No” to any of the above avoid cycling at all costs.
If you answered “Yes” but not committed enough to own your own bike TFL are appaz putting on extra cycle hubs from 7-11 and 4-8pm.
Docklands Light Rail: The trusty old DLR is running throughout the strike and in my opinion is by far the best mode of transport in London, largely owing to the fact that I’m a child and if you sit at the front it feels like you’re driving.
River: The only time I’ve ever ventured along the Thames was on a London Duck Tour which, if you haven’t been lucky enough to experience already I urge you to do so at your earliest convenience (one minute you’re on the road the next minute you’re in the water! It turns into a bloody boat!). Being so ill experienced on the matter I don’t really have much to say but I imagine it to be far more exhilarating than walking or biking so give it a whirl!
National Rail Services: Why bother? The carriages tend to smell of urine and/or poo and there will more than likely be delays. They will be rammed full of city workers with coffee breath. Suitable for those who enjoy foul smells.
Emirates Airline: I mean yes, you are very limited as to where you can go but just hop on for the fun of it! You’re gonna be late today anyway and if like me you haven’t been on a cable car since Year six Alton Towers trip then it’s definitely a great way to start or finish your day – you’re up in the air for crying our loud! How good is that?!
Not suitable for those with a fear of heights or enclosed spaces… Seriously I tried to drag my mother on – she nearly hit me.
On Foot: I love a good walk, it wakes me up, it tones my legs (I tell myself that anyway) and it burns calories. Not so exhausting that you break out in a sweat but enough to get your blood pumping for the day. If, like me, you’re a lover of the heels pack a pair of flats for the journey (no one wants a blistered big toe when you’re fannying about in Flip Flops come the weekend).
They’re expecting you to be late at work so take a leisurely stroll, get yourself a bagel, breathe in London! Well, not literally, it’s pretty polluted you know.
Uber: If the above fails to inspire you, waste money on arriving at your place of work like a bit of a wanker. Don’t get me wrong, I love an Uber but unless your job is really important (something I know nothing about) and you’ve got a meeting just get on a bike or walk.
Skive Off: Suitable for the lazy, the hungover, the uninspired or those who feel unappreciated in their place of work.
Whack morning television on, have a coffee then walk out into the sunshine carefully avoiding public transport (and anywhere you could be seen by colleagues!) to enjoy the day! Finish with a movie before bed.
